Thursday, September 6, 2012

"But I can't..."

Do you ever feel inadequate to a task at hand?  Do you feel like you are not the one who should be at it, maybe there is someone better, more equipped than you?  Too frequently in my life that is how I feel. 

With my job I can get discouraged, and think, surely someone else could do this better.  In my marriage I often feel inadequate as a wife, wanting to be more patient, more kind, clean more, cook more, etc.  As a friend, I wonder if I am caring enough, am I a good listener, do I consider others' needs before my own?  Already I am fearful of my new role as mom, how will I react, will I be able to love her unconditionally? And in the few situations that I am called to be a counselor, to give Godly advice, I feel extremely incapable. 

Did you know, even Moses was shy to the tasks God laid before him? 

Exodus 3:10
Come, I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?”

This morning as I was reading my daily devotional from James MacDonald and Walk in the Word, I was given this scripture and this message. 

I quote James here: "When I hear the name Moses, I picture a true colossus of a man, a giant in faith with a long grey beard and weary eyes as he stands on a mountain with arms outstretched, viewing the Promised Land as he waits for God to take him to heaven. I revere that vision of Moses."
Isn't that how we all see Moses, as a strong leader of God's nation?  And yet, even he, who spoke directly with God, was nervous and fearful of his own abilities. 

I am struggling with a situation in my life that calls me to step outside of my comfort zone.  I believed until this morning that my role here was to just be a good listener, and a supportive friend.  But I wonder if that is not making me more of an enabler.  When we know what is right from wrong, when is it time to speak out loud?  When is it time to take more action?  How do we know what role God has created for us? 

Honestly, I wish the bush outside would go up in flames and I would hear God's voice booming.  "DO THIS, DO THAT." Honestly, with that direct contact with God, how could Moses even question he was the one if God was telling him that he was? 

In Exodus chapter 3, God goes on to assure Moses:
“But I will be with you, and this shall be the sign for you, that I have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.”

God promises He will be with us.  He will lead us and guide us.  I think maybe I should wait, and see what opportunities arise.  I pray that God will be in my words and if I choose to speak out, that my words will be out of love and the truth will be received with love.  One of the questions that plagues me is this:

"If not me, then who?"

Maybe sometimes, we are the only ones that can make a difference.  I trust that God can work in any situation, and in any time.  But if he has purposed me specifically for the task, then it is Him working through me.  And if not me, then who?

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