Rewind.

Can I rewind my life exactly 12 weeks ago?

I want to open-mouth-and-insert-foot.  I want to not have professed such a desire because now what if I can't do it?  What if I don't want to do it?  Who will I disappoint? Can I still claim a life for Christ if that is not who I want to be? 

What if I want my stuff back?  My comfy couches and beautiful dining room table?  Why did I get rid of my nice pots and pans?  And let's not even get started on the bed. 

What if the life I really want is right here.  In this house.  Maybe it is too hard to sell so I just don't want to.  Perhaps I want to invest money right here, plant some grass, a few azaleas, definitely a hydrangea and a dogwood.  I want to build a pergola and a patio and buy a picnic table.  I want to paint the walls and update the kitchen counters. 

Am I still Christian?  Why do these material possessions plague me?  Have I lost sight of my purpose and my calling? 

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  Matthew 6:20

Excuse my melodrama today.  It's been a hard week.