Oh, she is just too much! Everyday in her company is such a blessing! And today was no different. For a change of pace from ordinary "A day in the life" posts, we're doing a mix of stay-at-home mom and working mom. Today had a bit of it all.
My morning started as usual, an early wake-up call. Lately I have been allowing myself to get up with Alex in the mornings (or before) so I can have some time for myself before Eleanor wakes up. Usually I spend the time working through my Gideon study workbook. That's how this morning began.
Shortly before 7am Eleanor woke up and Alex ran upstairs to get her out of bed and change her diaper. We nursed and she played for a few minutes before I started breakfast.
While I made french toast for me, she munched on a muffin and pumpkin puree mixed with a bit of almond butter, coconut oil and pumpkin spice mix. Breakfast was clearly hilarious, and we had a significant mess to clean.
This is one mess I don't mind cleaning. We do this three times a day!
I dropped Eleanor into the tub. I walked over to the dryer in the hallway right outside the bathroom to restart it and turned back around just in time to catch Eleanor's scrunched up face. I knew immediately what was happening and rushed over and pulled her directly out of the tub. Not soon enough...she left behind a little souvenir. Now that is a mess I'd rather not deal with.
I cleaned up Eleanor and let her play on her bedroom floor while I cleaned up the bathtub. Lately we have been leaving Eleanor without a diaper to play since she has had a persistent diaper rash. I knew my mistake before I made it, and as I made my way back into her room there was another little present for me on the carpet.
I cleaned Eleanor and the rug and held my baby and rocked her for a bit. She was already showing signs of sleepiness so I held my little naked baby for a long while as she laid her head against my chest and snuggled. We had a long weekend without many naps so I figured she was ready to sleep (8:30am). I laid her down in the crib and handed her the blanket. She promptly pulled it close to her and curled up to sleep.
Using my time wisely, I jumped in the shower and got dressed for the day. I peeked into her room. Her eyes were still open but she was cuddled up on her blanket resting. She caught my eye and perked right up. I should have never stuck my head in the room. Now she was up for good so I got her dressed and finally put a diaper on Eleanor.
It was close to 9 now so I packed up the diaper bag and my work bag and we headed out the door.
I dropped Eleanor off at Miss Jenny's and I headed to Starbucks to get some work done.
Now I tell you, this is where my day took a turn for the worse. Because you know, cleaning up poopy messes wasn't enough. In fact, I don't mind those messes (obviously since I leave my daughter without a diaper on the majority of our day!)
For some reason, when it comes to work I have been experiencing a ton of anxiety. This isn't like anxious nerves before a big event or project. This just comes out of nowhere and is completely debilitating. Typically a to-do list will help me to feel better because I can organize my thoughts and tasks. Checking off the list will help me to feel better and accomplished.
Today my to-do list just made things worse. I kept writing down my tasks and then checking them off one by one. And even as I was accomplishing everything on the list, I still felt so ill and uneasy.
I wrapped up my work at Starbucks a little before lunch and jumped in the car to head to the post office.
I keep a little bible passage in my car. I received it from Morning Grace a couple weeks ago and slid it on my dash. The morning I was given this card (Romans 15:13) I had been running late and was driving from over an hour away. That is when my anxiety kicks in the strongest. When I'm in the car driving and late and there is absolutely nothing I can do about being on time. I really hate being late.
So today I kept reading the verse over and over again:
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Hoping it would take away this pressure and fear, I kept reading. Eventually as I pulled into the post office I called Alex, thinking that if I talk to another person and get out of my own head I would feel better. He prayed with me over the phone, I finished up at the post office, and then headed home for lunch.
As I walked into the house I just broke down. I had been praying all morning for this feeling to go away but it was just lingering. It's like the feeling that you forgot something really big, but you can't remember what it is. I don't feel like this all the time, just sporadically. I remember the first time I ever really experienced anxiety like this was when I was pregnant. It's just an uneasy feeling that cannot be placed. So I was crying, in my living room, bent down over a chair on my knees. Praying that God would take away this awful feeling. But it didn't go away right away.
I picked myself up and heated up leftovers for lunch. I distracted myself on the computer while I ate and then tackled another work project or two before it was time to pick Eleanor up from the sitter's.
I picked up Eleanor and put my "mom hat" back on. We headed to Josh's and then Walmart to do some grocery shopping for the week.
We headed home, unloaded groceries, danced around and played for a bit, and before long Eleanor was ready for another nap. She took a two and a half hour nap at the babysitter's, and then this afternoon she took another two hour nap! She was super tired.
While she snoozed I worked some more. We just wrapped registration for the Fall season of Girls on the Run. I caught up on reports and prepared for our board meeting this evening. After a bit I started on dinner. Tonight's was easy: we made really simple tostadas. I also peeled, diced and roasted sweet potatoes with a lime and chili marinade. It came together really quick and easy.
Alex came home in time to help me finish putting together dinner and get Eleanor up from her nap. We ate dinner together as a family around 5:30pm.
Eleanor loved her sweet potatoes! Even with the spicy chili and lime marinade! She also ate fistfuls of refried beans!
At quarter to six I headed to the Girls on the Run board meeting.
One of the best parts about my job is that most of the people I work with are my best friends. It makes meetings fun and really enjoyable! We discussed our strategic plan and 5k details and parted at 8:30pm.
And now I'm home. Munching on the rest of that cookie you see pictured above. (I also ate two mini-peppermint patties-and may be going back for a third soon!).
I don't remember exactly when, but that anxious feeling did eventually subside. I don't like feeling this way, and most times it happens on Mondays when my to-do list is packed from taking time off over the weekend. I hate saying I need a break because we just took a mini-vacay to the beach, but I feel like I worked most of that trip. I probably really could use a day off!
It's been a full day and I'm wiped! I'm going to go pick up that baby and give her a few snuggles and nurse before I go to bed. And that's a wrap.
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