Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Oh Happy Day

Oh happy day!  It's amazing what a little bit of sleep and a little sunshine can do for the soul.  My happy baby is feeling all better, and from our follow up appointment yesterday we learned it was Roseola.  Not particularly worthy of a hospital stay.  We did see the PA again yesterday and came to a mutual agreement that a different pediatrician, one with more experience working with unvaccinated children, would be ideal for our situation.  Honestly, since my experience on Thursday, I feel like we have actually had a very positive experience with our pediatrician office.  Forcing a little communication on Friday (and having Alex there to support me) did wonders for the relationship. 
Since my cutie has been feeling all better since we returned from the hospital, we opted to get strict with schedules and sleep and Make.This.Work.  So we put our research to use and created our ideal schedule for Eleanor:

7am- wake up, nurse, play time
8:30-9am- morning nap (1-1.5 hours long)
10:30-1pm- wake up, nurse, play time
1pm- afternoon nap (1.5-2 hours long)
2:30pm- wake up, nurse, play
5:30- begin bed time routine:
     bath
     read books
     nurse
6:15-6:30- bedtime
9-10pm- nurse (dream feed)

When we put her down for a nap or for bed time, we sing her the same songs each time, lay her down and wait until she is comforted and walk out of the room.  If she begins to cry we wait 2 minutes and then walk back in the room to comfort her.  We will soothe with Shushing and rubbing her belly or back.  When she is calm we leave the room.  We do this again after 5 minutes if she is still crying.  So far she has been out by the second 5 minute interval.  And on a few occasions she has gone right to sleep after laying her down!  Success!

Notice that I didn't include any night time feedings after her 10pm dream feed.  We cut them out starting Sunday night and have had great success.  For the past week or so, I could tell that she really wasn't eating, rather just pacifying herself with nursing.  The first night we cut it out she woke a few times and fussed and we continued to do our 2-5-5...intervals.  I let Alex off the hook and did all the night time wakings and still felt like I got great sleep.  She didn't fuss that much!

Our second night (last night) I heard her wake up around 1am.  I waited the 2 minutes and before I could go in she quieted back down.  She did this a few more times but I never had to get out of bed.  I fell back asleep and woke up at 4am (on my own), 5am, and 6am.  I tossed and turned because I am not used to sleeping all night long, and because my boobs were so full!  But Eleanor slept on.  Finally she woke up around 6:30 this morning and I got up to nurse her. 

I AM SO PROUD OF MY LITTLE GIRL! 

Now I realize that this could be a fluke.  This could wax and wane over the next few weeks, and still over the next year.  But we did it.  We slept through the night! Almost.  But it counts and I'm so excited!

In completely unrelated news, I broke my blender yesterday.  Boo!
I was so disappointed.  My food processor recently bit the dust as well, so now I'm left without any means of quickly chopping or processing anything.  It cramped my cooking since I needed to make bread crumbs for our dinner.  I was finely chopping toasted bread by hand when I had an epiphany.
Mason jars fit perfectly on most blenders.  Try this. 

So I successfully made bread crumbs but am now in the market for a new blender and a new food processor.  Not happy about these future purchases as I was really hoping to also get a fancy new camera soon.  I hate when my "big purchases" wish list grows to a materialistic quantity, but that's where it is at right.  I would like a new road bike.  But I also really want a mountain bike.  Not to mention the clips and tri-suit I mentioned wanting.  And I need new running shoes.  And for that matter, probably a new swim cap (small purchase...but still).  I'm sure I could think of many more.  And I hate being like this.  Wanting stuff.  Yuck.  For now I will be grateful for nights of great sleep and warm weather and the hope of summer lurking in the near future. 

Monday, May 20, 2013

What A Weekend

I am exhausted.  (Long pause) To dive into this weekend's events may take a very long time.  It was full of so much good, so much bad and so much work.  It is still only Sunday morning and yet I feel that it should already be Monday.  Longest weekend ever.

Of course it started early on Friday.  Since Alex took the day off to help me care for Eleanor it felt like the weekend already.  As he was getting ready for work that morning and I was rocking Eleanor in her room, I decided work was just not going to happen for Alex.  I needed to work a full day Friday and there was no way Eleanor would cooperate.  She was being hyper-needy.  Which is ever so cute, but not good for productivity.  Usually Alex's work would come first on a normal day.  I can make up hours whenever, he certainly can't go in at night and teach.  But this weekend was the Girls on the Run 5k presented by Iredell Health System and I could not take the day off.
I did arrange my schedule to accompany them to Eleanor's morning pediatrician appointment, a follow-up from the previous day.  Despite my frustrations with her peds, we kept the appointment because she was a sick baby and finding a new doctor on short notice didn't seem like a great solution.  We saw the PA Friday morning and with Alex's support we discussed our concerns.  She was open to the conversation and assured us that she would also talk with the doctor's about their attitude toward our choices.  We did, however, move forward and have blood drawn to check for bacterial infections.  I'm not sure I mentioned it on Friday but Eleanor had been running a temperature of 104 degrees since Tuesday night.

After the doctor appointment I went about my work and left Alex at home with a very crabby baby.  Around noon the PA contacted us with some news about Eleanor's blood work.  Her white blood cell counts were ok, but were producing immature new cells.  She felt concerned enough to "book us a room at Levine's" as Alex likes to put it.  We threw ourselves into crisis mode.  Could Eleanor really be sick enough to be admitted into the children's hospital?  What was I going to do about the 5k?

I made arrangements to cover for me during set-up that evening at Lowe's Corporate Headquarters.  It wasn't easy.  There was a ton of communication happening, everyone had to pitch in to make it work.  I was on the phone pretty much from noon until 9pm that night arranging everything.  It was exhausting.

While I went about work, Alex started packing bags and finding a dog sitter.  We knew they wanted us to stay overnight so Eleanor could be observed.  We were packed and ready to go and on the road to Charlotte at 3pm.  It took quite a while to get all of our arrangements in place.  We drove separately, knowing that regardless I would have to leave in the wee hours of the morning to be back in Mooresville for the 5k.

Alex beat me to the hospital and checked Eleanor in.  I was close behind and we settled in for the evening.
I set up shop and continued working while doctors and nurses came in and out to check on Eleanor.  They all agreed that she looked well enough.  They didn't run any more tests since our pediatrician had already done a urine sample, a nose swab and blood work.  We waited as one by one test results came in.  The urine sample was negative for UTI or any other infections.  The nose swab came back negative for any viral infections.  So we just continued to wait.  I am very thankful they didn't feel the need to run an IV or fluids.  While she wasn't nursing much, she still seemed well hydrated.  In fact, she seemed pretty happy even.
Except for being at the hospital, it might have seemed like a normal day for us.  Me on my computer, Alex watching TV and Eleanor playing with her toys.  Of course she was more tired than usual, and a little grumpier, but her demeanor was pretty great overall.  We questioned many times why we were even at the hospital.  I think in many ways our caregivers at Levine's also questioned the decision to send us here overnight as well.

Around dinner time they did give us the option to return home with a shot of antibiotics.  We would have to follow up on Saturday and our only option would be to take her to an urgent care.  Our second option would be to just stay overnight at the hospital.  It seems like a silly decision but we opted to stay at the hospital.  For starters, we were already settled in.  We had already arranged everything back at home and at work to be gone, and to visit an urgent care would cost us another sizeable copay.  They handed us a couple of meal tickets for dinner and brought us blankets.  We got comfortable for the night.

My story is becoming very lengthy so we will just fast forward through a sleepless night (hospital beds are not the most comfiest).  We swapped turns sleeping with Eleanor in our arms.  Finally around three in the morning I was awake and not going back to sleep.  I got ready to leave and just hit the road early, heading home to shower, take the pup out and eat some breakfast.  I left Eleanor in her daddy's care while I put on my work hat for the day.
The day started out perfectly.  While we were expecting thunderstorms, the rain held off in the distance as we set up for the Girls on the Run 5k.  While the wee hours of the morning crawled by, time went into warp-speed once we were at Lowe's and setting up.  Before I knew it the girls and their families had all arrived and it was just minutes before the 5k began!
It was an awesome event (as always).  It never ceases to amaze me that all these girls accomplished their goals.  And it is not lost on me how lucky I am to have this job.  Several times throughout the morning I caught myself choked up.  When the 5k began and the girls took off I coughed back tears.  And when I finally stopped moving for five seconds to take in the past 24 hours and the whirlwind of a weekend I had had, the tears could hold back no longer.  I turned and gave my friend Brittney a hug and finally told her where Eleanor was.
It wasn't long after that I talked to Alex on the phone and he told me they checked her temperature and Eleanor no longer had a fever.  And by the time the 5k was over and we were cleaning up he was already home with her, safe and sound.  Her blood culture results all came back normal and we still have no idea what caused the fever.  I have heard many of those tests can be inaccurate.  But today she is still doing well, although a little more docile than usual.

I was exhausted on Saturday.  Alex made me lunch when I finally arrived home.  His mom drove down for the afternoon and we all decided to get out of the house and walk around the Race City Festival downtown.  The rest of the day it was quiet.  The gloominess of the sky aided our ability to relax and rest at home.  Around seven that night I was fast asleep in bed.

Fast forward again to this morning (Sunday).  The gloom is still resting in the sky, and we are quietly resting at home.  We skipped church, something we never do.  Alex is also very sick today and Eleanor and he are both napping as I type out this post.  After 12 solid hours of sleep last night, I am feeling recovered from this weekend, but still thankful for the quiet morning.  And very thankful for my happy baby who is feeling much better!
Future GOTR Girl!

Friday, May 17, 2013

Pediatrics

I am about to make a very controversial public confession and I don't really care for any feedback.  I know that sounds pretty harsh considering I'm the one putting this out there in a public way.  However, this is a very personal choice, and one every parent makes for their own children.  The reason I am addressing it now is because I want to be clear that this is in fact a choice.  You as a parent have a choice.

Vaccines.

We are choosing for now not to immunize Eleanor.  I just threw up in my mouth a little as I typed that for fear that every reader just turned their snotty nose up at me.  And those who didn't, just shuttered in their chairs in disgust that I would even discuss this.  Discussing vaccinations is as politically-incorrect as discussing...well, politics.  Or religion.  But if you know me, I quite enjoy discussing religion (or, faith, that is), so I'm going to swallow hard and move forward.  Today we're discussing this.

It comes up today because I feel extremely bullied by my pediatrician about our choice not to vaccinate.  And I fear that their predispositions are clouding judgement when it comes to treating Eleanor.  I can't count how many times today I heard "because she isn't vaccinated..."  and I am concerned they may overlook symptoms and jump to conclusions because they are being short sighted.

Today's experience has led me to the decision to switch doctors.  I believe we are going to seek out an alternative medicine pediatrician or even a family doctor whose sole intent is not to have every patient in the office immunized.  That may seem like a harsh statement, but unfortunately it could possibly be very true

In the article linked above, popular tactics used by pediatricians to force vaccine schedules include fear and condescension.  I believe we face both of those each time we enter our current pediatrician's office.  So today's rant isn't really about our choice to not vaccinate, so much as it is about our right to the choice.  And I suppose our pediatrician has a right to her opinions as well, but when it distracts from proper and sensical treatment I have to be weary. 

I am terribly upset by the way we were treated today.  Not outwardly rude, but passive aggressive.  And I really did feel that I was talked down to and my questions were not heard because of the deafening roar of pharmaceutical companies pushing a one-size-fits-all program.  I am and always have been open to the advise and expertise from our doctors but when I am made to feel inferior because of my beliefs or choices it is hard to view information unbiased.  I wish that a conversation could be had that would open up the floor to both of our points of view and still leave us mutually respecting and agreeing to disagree.  But as is the case, it is their practice and their choice.  And thus it is our choice to leave.  I suppose I shouldn't be so put-out except we specifically had this conversation before Eleanor was born and were reassured that our choices would be respected by this office.  And while I can't say they have ever outwardly proclaimed that our choices are irresponsible, that is how they have made me feel.  And I certainly don't need anyone other than myself making me feel like a bad mom (as evidenced by Wednesday's post.)

Raising a child and making choices for their life is a tough job.  The decisions we make our infinite.  What diaper cream to use?  What school to send them to?  Do we let them cry it out?  Should we spank?  So many days I find myself looking into Eleanor's eyes and shaking my head, saying "I don't know baby, I just don't know."  Parenting is scary and difficult.  And making these choices is part of that.  Having guidance given by caring individuals is helpful, but being made to feel inferior is not.  Ultimately I have to make the choice that is best for my family and right now that choice is to surround myself with supportive individuals.  Not "yes" men, but people who will respectfully discuss not just the facts but the emotions and common sense and all the other factors involved in decision making.  As a parent I encourage you to find these types of people to surround yourself with as well.  I am hoping it will make this parenting job just a little less stressful.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Oatmeal Love

Here's how my brain is working as I sit here to type out a post:

"Don't talk about sleep issues, don't talk about sleep issues, no one wants to hear about your sleep woes.  You've said it enough...they get it.  You aren't sleeping.  You are not the only mom out there with sleep issues.  Let it rest (no pun intended)"

Alas, here I am talking about sleep issues.  But seriously, let's talk about something else. 

Like coffee--ahem, decaf coffee.  I've read the reports.  It's not good for you.  And the trace amounts of caffeine have no affect on my energy levels at all.  Yet somehow, drinking that dark nectar makes me feel human again.  I can't quit coffee.  Decaf, of course.

Breakfast is my happy place.  And if that breakfast is accompanied by a cup of decaf and a glass of OJ it is even happier.  My go to breakfasts are french toast, veggie omelets, egg sandwiches and of course oatmeal.  I take my time with breakfast, usually eating before Eleanor is awake, or letting her bounce in her chair while I savor each bite.  It is a fresh start to the day and helps me to wake up and face it.

While I enjoy french toast or eggs, oatmeal has always been my go-to.  I eat it four or more times a week and it never gets old (except when I was pregnant). 

my usual oatmeal includes:
1/2 cup rolled oats
1/2 cup almond milk
1/2 cup water
pinch of salt
microwave on medium-high for 3 minutes

stir in:
1/2 mashed banana
2 tablespoons raisins

top with:
1 tablespoon peanut butter

other favorite toppings and stir ins include:
coconut flakes
pumpkin puree
nuts (of any sort)
"baked" apples (which are really just microwaved)
other dried fruit
honey or agave if I don't have bananas to sweeten
ground flax seed
chia seeds

things I hate in my oatmeal:
fresh or frozen fruit of any kind (except apples--and except blueberries-sometimes)
craisins
granola (what's the point it just gets all soggy)
sugar
when I have to make it with all water and no almond/soy milk

best oatmeal discovery:
overnight oats (duh!)

newest oatmeal discovery:
mixing TVP (textured vegetable protein) into my oatmeal.  I typically mix in 1/4 cup oats and 1/4 cup TVP for additional protein and you can hardly taste or recognize a difference. 

other oatmeal loves:
baked oatmeal--I can make one big casserole and reheat all week for breakfast
By the way...oatmeal is never fun to photograph!

And this is the kind of post you get when I'm trying to think of something other than sleep deprivation!