I can clearly remember the moment I fell in love with Eleanor, and it wasn't on the day she was born. That was probably my first and biggest surprise of motherhood.
The next day I fell in love. It was mid-morning and my friends had all left. I just nursed Eleanor and laid her on my lap and stared at her precious face. And that was the moment my heart exploded. I had to hand her over to Alex for fear that I may drop her or shake her out of pure joy and elation. I was a mom and I was overflowing.
So after a year, here are my thoughts. I will never again be the same. I will never get to walk around this earth without always feeling a pull toward this little human being. It is true the saying by Elizabeth Stone, "Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide
forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." My focus will never be 100% again. There will always be a part of me distracted by thoughts of Eleanor.