Maybe I am just not the same anymore. Maybe I am different now. What used to be true for me just isn't anymore. What I used to enjoy, I no longer find joy in. Starting from the top:
Oh I used to take such pride in the fact that I was vegan. So much so that I pigeonholed my life story blog into one narrow and specific category. Now I want out. But I don't want to lose my space. I am no longer vegan. I try, and it doesn't work. I restrict, and I cheat. I don't like the discipline of eating vegan anymore. I want to eat eggs. I want to eat Greek yogurt. And I want to do these things without feeling like a complete hypocrite. I am sorry if you found this blog looking for vegan inspiration. You may find some vegan recipes you like, but inspiration won't be found here.
New Year's Resolution: read the bible everyday, completing the bible in one short year. January 23rd and I am on day 18 in my bible. Whoops. My daily quiet time is slipping away. It's not that I don't want to do it. It's that I can't find a time that works for me. What's that you say? Don't find the time but MAKE THE TIME. Hear, hear. That is my goal today. Catch up on my reading and then plan a time each day that works best for me. Mornings are my favorite for study. However, I always wake up with an intense need to clean up the house: make the bed, start laundry, put things away, get ready for the long day ahead. I realize that spending time with God will be more fulfilling than a made bed any day, I just need to make it a priority.
I don't want to run. It is cold. And I don't like to workout by myself. I keep trying to put races on my calendar and plan trainings schedules that will have me busting out half marathons in 8 weeks, but I just don't want to do it. What I want to do is meet my friend Jenna at the Y and torture myself with Holly's classes. Now that sounds more fun to me. And I shouldn't have to feel guilty about it.
So I'm failing in all the areas I used to succeed in. But failing is the wrong word, because my new life is pretty awesome too. So what I'm not vegan. I eat balanced and healthy meals (except that pie I had for breakfast-dessert the other day!) So what I am not running marathons anymore. I still enjoy a good sweat with a good friend. And so what I don't have my morning ritual of studying the bible, I can study it in the evening when the baby is asleep and there is peace in the house. I just need to make sure I'm still doing it daily.
But here's where I feel like an amazing success lately: I am an awesome mom with an amazing amount of patience. Seriously, where did that come from? I have never had patience before. I even have patience for this crazy pup who is currently chewing on my shoe laces (yes Alex I am correcting her).
I also feel like I am really rocking this Work-At-Home-Mom thing. Girls on the Run registration starts today and I actually feel on top of it. More so than many previous seasons. While each day may not be perfect and smooth, when I look at the big picture I realize I get more done than I think I do. I am able to accomplish pretty much the same amount of work as I did before.
And maybe Alex could argue this, but I think I'm doing ok in the wife category too. Some evenings I stop and think, my goodness I haven't even really acknowledged him. I may be talking at him or to him, but probably not with him (get the distinction). So I know I have lots of room for improvement. To try to not to be too distracted and instead show him the love and attention he deserves. But overall, we are a great team. And we are working together really well.
And that's life. Full of changes. Full of ups and downs. It's just hard to accept sometimes that I am different. I am still me, but I am different. Looking at the positive helps, and acknowledging that the negatives are not the-end-of-the-world helps.