Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Faith Journey

I have been wanting to write about my faith journey for several weeks now.  I feel like over the past year there are so many gaps in my story and I want to capture where I am spiritually today.  When the new year rolled around I was ready to snap out of 2012 and leap forward.  Last year was marked by terrible sickness, hormones, emotions and the journey of becoming a mother.  There was little room left in my brain for anything else.

However, 2013 brings a fresh start and a with that fresh start is a new reason (Eleanor) to refine my walk with Christ.  I want to be held accountable.  I don't want to "get away" with a substandard Christian life.  After all, values are caught, not taught.  And I want to be an example to Eleanor.  These are some of the things I want Eleanor to catch:
  • Daily prayer and bible reading
  • Boldness to talk about and share her faith
  • To feel no shame in worship
  • ...and if she could "catch" a pretty singing voice from Shannon that would be nice too!
I had a thought one evening several years ago as Alex and I sat at fellowship group studying and discussing the Word.  The kids were all in the other room playing, and likely not picking up on a single thing we were talking about.  However, they knew we were reading the bible and talking it over.  Those kids will grow up knowing that it is absolutely normal behavior.  In their home the bible is discussed openly and with many.  That is the kind of home I want Eleanor to grow up in.

So I recommitted myself to authentic Christian behaviors this year in an effort to not only grow closer to God but to create a Christian environment for Eleanor.  Daily quiet time and bible reading is at the top of those commitments.  Joining bible studies this year has also helped to keep me accountable and to help me grow and learn.  While my motivation might have initially been for Eleanor, I would have to say, I am reaping all the rewards. 

I started a study several weeks ago, The Truth Project.  I know I have mentioned it several times already here, but it really is blowing my mind.  Some of the concepts are simple, but I have just never thought of them in these ways before.  It is creating in me a Christian worldview, and suddenly I feel convicted about the choices I make and the lies I believe.  I feel so energized and excited as I leave class each Thursday.  But I'm still struggling to take those lessons into the real world with me.  I want to change, I want to be bold, I want to be different. 

Throughout my adulthood I have always managed to find themes.  For several years I was living a 'theme' of 'Love.'  Learning about unconditional love and how to love others.  Lately I feel like I am walking in a new theme of 'Truth.'  As I started this new bible study, our pastor at church also announced that we were starting a new series about Truth.  Using the text "The Unshakeable Truth" as a starting ground, Doug is going to cover the essentials of relevant faith.  I don't think this can all just be coincidence.  I really believe I am in for a year of mind-blowing revelation and change. 

I am excited to walk down this path right now.  After our last year, I felt very shaken in my faith.  I had committed to becoming a missionary, and when I went back on that decision I felt ashamed.  I was like a dog with my tail between my legs.  I thought I had been "called" and then I didn't go.  Did I misread God's calling?  Or did I ignore it?  Honestly, I don't know the answer.  What I do know, is God has me, has us, right here, right now.  This is where we are, and we must move forward.  I can't stall my Christian life because of one wrong turn.  So this year I have picked up my bible, armed myself with the Word, and am marching forward.  In His grace.  And my hope is that Eleanor will follow.

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