Friday, January 11, 2013

a Thursday to let go of...

Yesterday was icky.  For no particular reason.  My brain was in a fog.  I couldn't connect.  I was bored, tired, over-stimulated, and in a funk, and I don't know why. 

Do you have those days?

Nothing really went wrong.  Eleanor napped well.  The puppy had a few accidents, but nothing to stress over.  There were even moments of sweet, sweet silence where the baby and puppy were napping simultaneously. 

In the afternoon Eleanor went to the sitter's.  I accomplished many tasks on my to-do list. 

The weather was warm, the sun peaked out. 

I went for a long walk with the girls (baby and puppy).

I even ran into my best friend at Walmart.  That was a fun happenstance.

And yet, I was in a funk.  And I couldn't snap out of it. 

One of the things I realize I do when I become this way, is I stop making eye contact with Alex.  When he gets home, we do all of our usual things.  Hug each other, kiss, cook dinner, snuggle with the baby, attempt to train the pup.  We talk about our days, chat about what we did, conversations we had, yaddah, yaddah, yaddah...but in the midst of it all, I stop making eye contact.  It's as if eye contact would force me back into people-dom and I would have to be out of my bad mood.  I think the cure would probably be to just make eye contact. 

Because I was in a funk yesterday, I also had a hard time with my eating.  Not that I ate anything particularly bad (although there was that one cookie I snuck from Harris Teeter- why do they just give those things out?).  In general I just couldn't be satisfied.  I ate a meal, and immediately wanted more. 
So I just ate and ate and ate and ate all day.  Or at least that's what it felt like.  Luckily in our house the only things to snack on are raisins and rice cakes.  Could be worse choices out there, right? 

Anyhow, I write this just to get it all off my chest.  Not really just to rant, but to remind myself to have a better day today.  I kept reminding myself yesterday that I have the ability to choose my attitude. To choose my mood.  It did me little good.  At least I continued to choose to be nice to those around me.  When I fall into those moods, it is easy to lash out and nit-pick over things that don't matter or don't exist.  It could have been easy to lose my cool yesterday.  But I didn't.  At least not in any big way.

Today it's rainy, and while that may be a typical recipe for disaster, I think it will be different.  Today is a fresh start.  And it's Friday.  Just a few hours more and we are almost to the weekend.  Uninterrupted time with Alex!  I miss him.  We can take long walks, focus on puppy training, and snuggle with our little baby girl, not missing a single one of her beautiful smiles.
What are you looking forward to this weekend?

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