Friday, August 5, 2011

One Year Ago Today

The doom and gloom outside is begging to catch my mood and turn it upside down.  I feel lazy and unproductive.  And despite my great morning, I feel myself sliding into the dark abyss that is represented outside my window. 

...So rather than give into the temptation, I spent the last several minutes scrolling through old photos and blog posts and I came across the Operation Beautiful post that coincidentally I wrote exactly one year ago!

"Last night as I was browsing the blogging world I stumbled on this website: You should totally check it out. Funny timing, because the author of the site was actually on the Today Show this morning! She just published her first book...Operation Beautiful...and is in NYC to promote it. I am very smitten with the Operation Beautiful Movement because it aligns so close with the mission and vision of Girls on the Run! It also moved in my heart because of my own struggles with disordered eating and negative self-image. OB basically encourages men and women to leave uplifting, positive messages around the world for others to see. Written most of the time on a post-it, these messages can change a person's day! Caitlin, the author, uses OB to combat "fat-talk" the negative self-talk that women use each day. Fat-talk ruins our self-esteem, our positive body image, our confidence and diminishes the glow we should all emit from with-in. I am very impressed with this movement. So much, that I just couldn't wait to put my own OB message out there."

I couldn't say it better now than I did a year ago!
Looking back over the past year I realize how much I have grown and improved.  Especially in relation to food.  While disordered eating may never be eradicated from my life and "fat-talk" still exists in my head some days, it is no longer what defines me.  While its hard to  discern exactly how I have changed my attitude, my habits and the inner voice in my head, I know that I have developed into a more strong and confident woman this year.  Binge eating is a thing of the past and I no longer vilify food.  Rather, I have made great strides toward eating intuitively and enjoying food as a passion but not as an obsession.

To erase bad habits from my life I have had to be intentional about incorporating new, good habits.  I truly believe that I formed my bad eating habits when I gave up smoking cigarettes...another bad habit.  With an addictive personality it is easy to replace one bad habit with another.  Rather than replace my binge eating and fat-talk with more bad habits, I have incorporated new, good habits into my life. 
The simple act of saying a blessing before each meal and asking the Lord to help me not make an idol of my food.  Pausing before eating to choose what foods are going to make my body feel its best.  Choosing to be joyful about special occasions and enjoying treats rather than allowing myself to feel guilty for them. 

Eating healthy can and should be liberating, not restrictive and guilt-ridden.  Just as living under God's law is freedom for Christians.  It provides protection and assurance and boundaries that are meant to keep us safe and well. 

One year can change a lot, and I believe the theme as of late as certainly been change.  I see change in my attitude, my relationships, my passions and my priorities.  Even this dark and gloomy weather is a change from the norm around here.  I think I will embrace this weather and curl up on the couch with my book for the rest of the afternoon! 

What changes are occurring in your life?  How have you changed this year?

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