Running

Today I finally made it out for a quick 4 miler.  I say finally, because I have been on running hiatus since Sunday.  And I have been taking it easy for the last two weeks.  I've managed to squeeze in all my runs except two, I think, but it has been painful. 

First there was the foot issue.  I had this awful cramping in the joints of my feet.  Then came the unbearable knee issue.  I originally labeled it as my IT band, but I'm starting to have second thoughts.  Maybe it is a knee issue not an IT band issue...and maybe there isn't a difference.  I'm no expert, but I think it is time to see one.

This is frustrating for me for a number of reasons.  First, it is very difficult to decipher between pain and tightness and injury.  At what point do you run through the pain and at what point do you stop and say enough?  This is difficult because running 15 miles is just plain painful.  How do I know my legs aren't just tired from tortured?

This is also disheartening because my running has been going so well this year.  I mean, I made it to 15.5 miles so far! I don't want to stop! I don't want to give up! And I don't want to quit!  I realize now that I may need to take 1-2 weeks off running.  If I take that time off, will I be able to get back in the game before the marathon?  I'm sure it is doable.  But there is the whole mental aspect to consider.  I can only make it 17 miles if I know I can make it 15.  How do I know I can make it to 19 if I haven't made it to 17?

Frustrating me even more is the time and energy I have put into training.  I have been at this for over 3 months!  I have less than 8 weeks to go, and now my body starts to jerk up.  It is understandable.  These are the longest miles I have ever ran.  But it just makes me so sad.

To top it all off, I have an awful case of burn out.  Maybe partially because of the injuries/pain, but mainly because I have been at this for so long and still have so far to go (read above).  I am only at 15 miles, and I am expected to make it to 26.2!  What kind of nonsense is this?  I always tell people that anyone can do this, you just have to do the training.  But I am beginning to question whether or not I am really able to do this.  Maybe it is just my body's way of telling me too much.  Enough is enough. 
I want to make it to 50 as a healthy woman, and that requires exercise and eating right.  But I would also like to make it to 50 as a walking woman (God willing) and maybe these crazy miles are just too much for my body.

So today I went out for a run.  The plan was 8 if I was feeling great, 4 if there was pain.  There was pain, it was a 4 mile run.  After Sunday's run I could barely walk, and stairs were only in my dreams.  I spent all week with ice and on the bike and in yoga and on the foam roller trying to loosen my muscles.   Despite all efforts my knee was still sore and tight and painful during today's run. 

Tomorrow is 17.  What am I going to do?