Thursday, April 15, 2010

Food is my drug of choice!

Food is my drug of choice...it is what I lean on when I'm sad, happy, anxious, depressed, excited...

It has taken me a while to realize this emotional connection to my food...and even longer to accept it. And now even longer to voice it.

I just read the blog post by WholeFoodsVeganMomma and there was a part of it, the Food as a drug part, that just dug right into my core. Luckily for me she gave a great tip to help overcome it: just replace that time with food with something else. It is simple and probably similar to any rehabilitation program. But I need to set up a system that will help pull me out of the addiction.

So anytime I eat for any reason other than hunger, I am using food as a stimulant. I get into eating habits. I have to have a snack before bed, a diet coke in the mid-morning, a 4:30 pick me up. I get excited to go to BBQ's because of all the food, or a Monday night football party. I arrive excited for the food...realize as a vegan there is only maybe one thing I can actually eat and then overeat that one item because it is the only thing I can have and I feel I deserve it. I find myself depressed if we go somewhere and they don't have food I can eat, and will end up very upset in many situations over this. Food is a drug to me. It is social, emotional and affects my personality and happiness levels. I feel guilty at the end of the day if I've eaten too much or the wrong foods, and in the morning I vow to do better. Each day this cycle repeats itself and is really starting to drive me up the wall!

It makes me nervous to post this. People will see into my head, this endless battle I have created for myself. They will think I'm truly crazy. But you know, just writing it down makes me feel like I can control this thing. That this thing doesn't have to control me. And maybe by writing it down, you can pray for me. And for peace!

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